I’ve never been very good at pickup lines, usually because any of my attempts to be witty in a high-pressure situation end up sounding like I awkwardly vomited up a dictionary.
But I will admit, I’ve heard my fair share of good, bad and straight up weird pickup lines in the past. One time, someone told me, “Your face confuses me.” I asked, “What does that mean?” And the girl replied, “I don’t know. Do you want a drink?”
~SWOON.~
No matter how good (or bad) you think you are at crafting pickup lines, I’d bet you have at least one dumb pickup line you KNOW you could never use on someone, even though it makes you laugh when you’re alone in your room.
And if that’s true, just know you’re not alone.
A recent Reddit thread asked guys to share their favorite pickup lines they’d never use, and you’ll want to buckle up your seatbelt right about now — it’s about to get pretty weird.
Here are some pretty dumb pickup lines these guys have blacklisted for themselves (as well as how I’d respond to it if I heard it):
hey girl, feel this sweater. Feel that? that's boyfriend material.
Me: “Is boyfriend material machine washable?”
You can call me DNA helicase. I'm gonna unzip yo' jeans.
Me: “I’m wearing leggings, but thank you.”
You're like fast food, I wanna eat you out in my car
Me: “Welp.”
I would smell a mile of your shit to see where it came from
Me: “How drunk was I to leave a mile of my shit somewhere?”
Excuse me, do you by chance have a twin? No? Well I guess that makes you the most beautiful girl in the world.
Me: *my twin steps out from behind me* “This is awkward.”
"Damn girl, you shit with that ass?"
Or
"Hey girl, lemme see what you pee with!"
Me: “Everybody shits with their ass?”
The "did your face hurt when you fell from heaven"
Me: “Yeah, actually, it did hurt, and I’m pretty sensitive about it.”
Nice legs, what time do they open?
Me: “Literally, exclusive invite only, buck-o.”
“Do you believe in Santa or should I smash your chimney dressed as something else?“
Pretty sure it's from a comic but I can't help but laugh when I think about it.
Me: “Tell me your name before suggesting costume role play, maybe?”
Heaven must be missing an angel, because one of them is right in front of me.
Me: “Wait, really?! WHERE?”
Is your name Winter? Cause you'll be coming soon.
Me: “Mmm, it’s almost summer, bro. But then again, this is probably accurate since the definition of ‘soon’ is totally relative apparently.”
Yo are the devil, cause you're hell-a cute.
Me: “My friends say I make their lives a living hell, so yes.”
Ey girl, do you wanna go back to my place and watch some porn on my 52" flatscreen mirror?
Me: “No mirror should ever be that big.”
Hi, do you want to have sex with me?
– /u/ymmv_
Me: “Nah.”
Hi!
Me: Guys, please just start with this one. So short. So simple. So not creepy.
Yeah… let’s make sure these pickup lines get lost in the same way as 75 percent of the socks in my laundry: in a black hole, never to be seen again.
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The Dumbest Pickup Lines Guys Say They Love But Would Never Use